Online counselling for accompanying partners
Trailing partner therapy
Your partner has a reason to be here. You are still trying to find yours. In trailing partner therapy, we can talk about the career, confidence, independence or connection you miss, and the choices you face now.
£70 for 50 minutes · Individual therapy
Book a free consultation15–20 minutes · Online · With Kita
When moving for your partner leaves you struggling
If work, routines or confidence have changed since following your partner, the short guide to identity after moving for a partner may help you put the experience into words.
You may have relocated for a partner's job, study or family circumstances. Perhaps it was a decision you made together. That does not tell you whether the life that followed is working for you.
“Trailing spouse” and “accompanying partner” are common terms for this situation. You do not need to like the label, be married or have stopped working to ask for support.
Open a card to see what we could explore.
“My career has stopped. Theirs hasn't.”
We can talk about what your work meant to you, what its absence changes and the pressure to have a replacement plan. Income, recognition, purpose and daily company may each need a different response.
We can also identify where you need practical employment or qualifications advice alongside emotional support.
“I am always introduced as their partner.”
You may miss being known for your own opinions, interests or achievements. We can explore how you want to describe yourself now and what would give you more room to be that person in everyday life.
“I organise everything, but my time doesn't count.”
Finding housing, managing paperwork, arranging childcare or keeping family connections going takes time. We can look at the responsibilities you carry, whether you chose them and what you need to change.
“I love my partner. I resent being here.”
We can examine the resentment without deciding in advance what it means. It may concern a broken agreement, an unfair arrangement, loneliness or a future you no longer want.
“I have no idea whether I want to stay.”
We can separate what you want from what seems possible, and identify the information and support you need. Therapy gives you space to consider the decision. It does not require you to choose the relationship, the country or a particular outcome.
“We are moving again before I have settled.”
Repeated relocation may bring different questions from a first move: which parts of your life keep being interrupted, how decisions are made and what you are willing to give up this time.
What would we actually do in therapy?
We start with the part of your life that is difficult now. You do not need a diagnosis, a prepared account of your childhood or a clear goal for the whole course of therapy.
- Look at an ordinary weekWhere does your time go? When do you feel most alone, anxious or frustrated? What happens when you ask for something? Specific moments help us understand the problem more clearly than a general instruction to “settle in”.
- Work out what needs attentionWe might focus on missing your career, feeling dependent, difficulty expressing anger, changes in confidence or a decision about the future. We consider present circumstances and any earlier experiences that are relevant to you.
- Make the work usable outside the sessionThat could mean practising a difficult conversation, reconsidering a responsibility you have taken on or making time for a part of your life you miss. We review what happened rather than assuming an agreed step solved the problem.
An illustrative example
“I need to become more independent.”
That may be too broad to act on. We could begin with: “I need to be able to arrange one afternoon each week without first checking everyone else's plans.”
Then we look at what currently prevents it. Is it childcare, transport, money, an expectation in the relationship or worry about asking? The next step depends on the answer.
You can also read the broader guide to identity after moving abroad if you are still trying to name what changed.
Would individual or couples therapy fit better?
You can begin individually. Your partner does not have to attend or agree with your interpretation of the move. If you both want help with the arrangements between you, we can discuss whether joint work would be appropriate.
If you feel frightened of your partner or cannot safely disagree, raise this privately when enquiring. Joint therapy may not be an appropriate starting point. Your access to money, documents and support also matters.
Working with Kita Tabachka
I am a BACP-registered integrative therapist based in Poole. My practice includes individual and couples work with expats and people whose relationships cross countries and cultures.
We can consider the circumstances of your move alongside what matters to you personally. I will ask questions, check my understanding and work with you on a focus that feels useful.
Fees and how to get started
Start with a free 15–20 minute online consultation. Tell me what has changed since the move and ask about the way I work. You can then consider whether you would like to book a paid session.
Individual appointments are £70 for 50 minutes. We discuss frequency, confidentiality, payment and cancellation arrangements before starting. There is no fixed number of sessions that I can promise will resolve your concerns.
Online appointments use Carepatron. You will need a private place to speak and a reliable connection. Tell me where you will be located so we can confirm availability and suitability before booking. Please also mention any access or communication needs you would like us to consider.
Read the full fees and process. For wider relocation concerns, visit expat therapy.
Questions you may have
What is trailing partner therapy?
It is counselling focused on your experience of relocating in connection with a partner. We can explore changes in identity, career, independence, relationships and daily life. Trailing partner is a description of circumstances, not a diagnosis or a requirement to fit a particular role.
Is this only for women or married trailing spouses?
No. Adults of any gender or relationship status can enquire. You may have moved for a partner while continuing to work yourself, or your own career may have paused. What matters is the difficulty you want help with.
Can I attend without my partner?
Yes. Individual therapy focuses on your experience and choices. Your partner does not need to attend. If you later want joint work, we discuss whether and how that would be appropriate, including the boundaries between individual and couples work.
How much does it cost?
Individual online therapy is £70 for 50 minutes. Joint couples sessions are £100 for 70 minutes per couple. Written counselling is £50 per week for one personal reply through Carepatron. The initial 15–20 minute consultation is free.
Do I have to decide whether to stay abroad before starting?
No. Uncertainty about staying, returning home or changing the arrangement can be part of what you bring. Therapy gives you space to consider your wishes and options. Immigration, employment or legal questions may need separate qualified advice.
Can I work with you from another country?
You can enquire from abroad. We confirm that I can work with you in your location and that online therapy is suitable before appointments begin. Availability is not automatic in every country.
Can sessions be adapted if I am autistic or have ADHD?
Please tell me what helps you communicate and take part. We can discuss clearer questions, more processing time, pauses or a written focus for the session. We agree whether my approach fits your needs before starting. You do not need to share a diagnosis on a public website form.
Professional details
You can check my BACP registration and read the fees and process. The linked identity-loss article includes research and further reading about accompanying partners.
