Online therapy in English
Couples therapy when talking keeps ending in an argument
You raise something important, the conversation changes direction, and neither of you feels heard. Couples therapy offers a place to examine what happens in those moments and practise a different response together. Online sessions in English cost £100 per couple for 70 minutes.
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Which conversation keeps coming back?
It might be money, sex, household work, a partner’s family or how much time you spend together. The subject matters. So does what happens when one of you tries to discuss it.
One of us pushes to talk and the other goes quiet
We would explore both experiences without deciding in advance what silence means. It may involve overwhelm, anger, uncertainty, avoidance or something else. We also ask whether the conversation can be paused and safely resumed.
We explain ourselves but nothing changes
An explanation can be heard as a defence when the other person first needs an acknowledgement of what happened. In sessions, we can slow the exchange enough to notice this and practise a specific response.
We avoid difficult subjects to keep the peace
We can look at what makes disagreement difficult and which matters remain unresolved. Avoiding an argument does not necessarily mean a decision has been made together.
We communicate differently
Language, culture, processing time and sensory needs may affect a conversation. We can discuss practical adjustments, including written notes or one question at a time, without treating a difference as a lack of care.
What we would do in a communication session
I may ask you to bring one recent exchange and describe it in order. What was said first? What did each of you hear? At what point did the subject change or the conversation stop? We work with that detail instead of asking you to debate your whole relationship.
You each have space to speak. I may interrupt to slow an exchange, check an assumption or return to a question that was missed. We can try saying the concern more directly, acknowledging its impact or asking for a pause with a clear plan to return.
Communication work also includes responsibility. A calmer conversation does not settle an unfair division of work, undo dishonesty or make an unacceptable demand reasonable. We look at what needs to change in behaviour as well as wording.
A conversation to try, if it feels safe
An illustrative example
Start with one event and one request
“When our plans changed yesterday and I heard about it late, I felt left out. Could we agree to check with each other before confirming something that affects us both?”
The other person might first say what they understood, then explain their view. The point is to make a request concrete enough to discuss. Neither person has to agree just because it was expressed politely.
Choose a time when you can both participate. If either of you needs a pause, agree when to return to the subject. Repeatedly promising to return and never doing so becomes a separate issue to address.
When communication exercises are not enough
If disagreement brings threats, intimidation, monitoring, violence or control over money and movement, seek individual and specialist support. Joint exercises can be unsafe when one person cannot speak freely. Responsibility for abusive behaviour belongs to the person using it.
If there has been an affair or ongoing deception, trust and betrayal work may be the more useful starting point. When the strain followed a move, read about relationship problems abroad.
How to begin couples therapy with me
I am Kita Tabachka, a BACP-registered relational therapist. You can read about my approach and check my professional profile.
We start with a free 15–20 minute consultation attended by both partners. If we agree to continue, individual background meetings come before joint work. Their fees and confidentiality arrangements are explained and agreed first. Joint sessions cost £100 per couple for 70 minutes.
We check suitability and both partners’ physical locations before arranging online work. Read the full couples therapy process and fees. You can ask questions before deciding.
Questions you may have
Can couples therapy help if we argue about everything?
We can begin with one recurring exchange and examine what makes it difficult to resolve. The aim is to understand the issue, how each person responds and which changes are realistic. No therapist can guarantee that a relationship will continue.
What if my partner refuses to come?
You can consider individual therapy to explore your own experience, boundaries and decisions. I cannot do joint therapy with an absent partner or make them participate.
Does going quiet mean my partner does not care?
Silence alone cannot tell us why someone has stopped speaking. Ask about the situation and look at how they respond over time, including whether they return to unresolved concerns. We can explore this without assigning an attachment label.
Can you adapt sessions for neurodivergent partners?
We can discuss the adjustments each person needs, such as clearer questions, more processing time or written notes. Suitability is considered individually. Neither partner should have to imitate the other’s communication style to be taken seriously.
